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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23252080">Darkness Follows</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence'>soupstarsandsilence</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Sanders Sides (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>And he needs many hugs, Angst, But he's very sorry, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Logan is a good friend, Past unsympathetic Patton, Remus is a hurt sad boy, Roman is a very good brother, That moment when you kill off your favourite character to make your other favourite character suffer, virgil is a good friend</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:16:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,445</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23252080</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/soupstarsandsilence/pseuds/soupstarsandsilence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus cries a lot.</p><p>He also spends a lot of time staring into space, barely breathing, scarcely blinking. He jumps at sudden noises, and flinches when someone touches him.</p><p>And Patton is filled with regret.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>x please let me know if you find editing errors.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus cries a lot.</p><p>He also spends a lot of time staring into space, barely breathing, scarcely blinking. He jumps at sudden noises, and flinches when someone touches him.</p><p>Remus shakes a lot.</p><p>It’s a persistent full-body tremor that seems like it should be exhausting to keep up, but while he does always look tired, he rarely seems to sleep, and when he does, he wakes up screaming.</p><p>Remus doesn’t eat much.</p><p>A cheese sandwich here, a glass of orange juice there. He won’t eat anything that he himself hasn’t made, and it’s not often he remembers, or cares enough, to make something.</p><p>Remus cries, and stares into space, and shakes, and forgets to eat, and watches Patton with wide eyes filled with terror whenever the moral Side comes near.</p><p>And Patton is filled with <em>regret.</em></p><hr/><p>Virgil sits with Remus and quietly reminds him to breathe.</p><p>In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Remus has a death grip on his hand, but Virgil has long since gotten used to the sensation. Concern claws its’ way into his heart and up his throat as he watches Remus struggle to control himself.</p><p>Some days are more of a struggle than others. Today is one of the worst to date.</p><p>(That he knows of.)</p><p>Slowly, slowly, after a great many minutes, Remus’ breathing begins to even out, and he collapses against Virgil with a shudder. He hates the touch, Virgil knows, but some <em>small </em>part of him still craves it. Virgil squeezes Remus’ hand and whispers soothing nonsense in his ear.</p><p>And Virgil is filled with <em>concern.</em></p><hr/><p>Remus spends a lot of time in Logan’s room, quietly staring into space. Sometimes he’ll ask Logan a question, voice soft and hesitant, and Logan will respond gently, to the best of his ability.</p><p>
  <em>“How old is the sun?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Approximately four-point-six billion years old.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Who wrote the first dictionary?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I believe it was Robert Cawdrey.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“… What’s your favourite Disney movie? Like, out of all of them, not just the animated ones.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Hmm… Disney has produced a great many films over the years. I’m not sure… Perhaps Bridge to Terabithia.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Really? But it’s so sad.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“And masterfully executed… What is your favourite Disney movie, Remus?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“… I dunno. I don’t think I have one.”</em>
</p><p>The questions cover an endless range of topics, and are usually quite out of the blue. Logan is more than willing to indulge Remus, however. His questions are the most anyone hears him speak these days.</p><p>Logan is filled with <em>something </em>he doesn’t have the vocabulary to describe, but for him it’s very unordinary.</p><hr/><p>It takes Roman months to get to this point.</p><p>Months and months of careful words, gentle encouragement, and soft pleas, to get to where he is now, standing next to his brother, facing the door to the Imagination.</p><p>Remus is shaking… More than he usually does. A glance at his brother causes something quite painful to bubble in the pit of his stomach; Remus often looks terrified of near everything these days, but Roman doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it.</p><p>Remus is just… So different now.</p><p>Roman slowly reaches out, and holds his hand, palm up, in front of Remus. This is something he <em>has </em>gotten used to; letting his brother be the one to initiate contact. Always asking before doing. Anything to make Remus more comfortable.</p><p>Remus stares at the offered hand for several seconds before very hesitantly reaching out and limply grasping it. He looks up at Roman, lips quivering, and Roman squashes the urge to pull him into a tight hug. Instead, he runs his thumb lightly over Remus’ knuckles and smiles.</p><p>“It’s gonna be okay, Rem. We can leave the moment you want to,” he says quietly. “Let’s try a couple minutes in the meadow, okay? We don’t have to go far.”</p><p>Remus draws in a shaky breath. “… Okay.” He swallows and looks at the glowing door in trepidation mixed with determination. “Okay.”</p><p>Roman squeezes his hand once more in encouragement, and the door to the Imagination swings open. Light floods in, and the sound of birds greet their ears. A gentle breeze tousles their hair as the brothers slowly move forward. Remus falters a few steps in, and he looks like he’s going to be sick.</p><p>“Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re doing good, Rem.” Roman moves in front of Remus, blocking his view of the meadow behind him. “Let’s take a couple slow, deep breaths, okay?” Remus closes his eyes and nods, gulping in shaky breath after shaky breath. Soon enough, he calms enough to open his eyes again, and Roman smiles. “There you go.” Roman moves back to Remus’ side, and points out a bench under a tree, next to a small pond.</p><p>“See that bench over there?” Remus nods. “We’re gonna go sit over there, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>They go slowly, and as they go, Remus’ steps become less hesitant, and more relaxed. He begins to look around the meadow, taking in the scenery. The sun beams down a comfortable warmth, and the gentle breeze is an easy reminder to breathe. He spies many birds of all different species and colours, and sees two squirrels moving nuts into their nest. He looks up at the sky, and the clouds are mostly formless, but he thinks he sees one shaped like his Morningstar.</p><p>They reach the bench, and sit down, and Roman passes him a bottle of orange juice. Remus takes it without flinching, too preoccupied with the beauty around him to remember to be scared.</p><p>There’s nothing to be scared of.</p><p>Roman watches as Remus takes small sips from the bottle, inwardly cheering at getting his brother to accept some nutrients into his body. He can’t keep the grin off his face; he’s just so <em>happy. </em>He doesn’t recall a time he’s ever seen his brother so relaxed, not even <em>before… </em></p><p>Remus is staring at the pond with a contemplative look on his face. His fingers twitch around the bottle now and then, as if he’s fighting the urge to snap something into existence. Roman would give almost anything to see his brother create something again, but he knows not to push. Remus still has a long way to go before he’ll be comfortable enough to share his ideas once more.</p><p>Someday, though.</p><p>Someday he and his brother will make incredible stories together, like they always should have.</p><p>At that thought, Roman is filled with <em>hope. </em></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It’s nearly seven months <em>after, </em>when Remus decides he might, <em>maybe, </em>be okay enough… To go see <em>him</em>.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>He brings the thought to his brother, fiddling with the sleeves of his jumper as he speaks, looking down at the floor. Roman is supportive, and asks if he wants the others to come as well.</p><p>He doesn’t think he’s quite ready for that.</p><p>Roman is supportive, again, and Remus is endlessly grateful for all his brother does for him. He’s come to rely on Roman a lot, for a lot of things, and that’s terrifying. But Remus trusts Roman, more than he ever thought he would, and Roman has yet to prove that trust misplaced.</p><p>They sit together on Roman’s bed for a long time, simply basking in each other’s presence. Remus is <em>scared </em>of what he’s just committed himself to. Nauseatingly scared. Roman will be with him, though, the whole time, and Remus thinks he’d be a pretty terrible friend if he put off visiting <em>him </em>for much longer anyway.</p>
<hr/><p>They go to the Imagination, and wander through a valley of flowers, because Remus wants to pick flowers. It’s more meaningful, he thinks, to put effort into physically finding and bringing together a bouquet, rather than summoning one. Roman agrees, and helps him find what he’s looking for.</p><p>Remus loiters by a patch of carnations once he’s picked all the flowers he wants. He knows what comes next… He has to actually go to <em>him. </em>Sit by him and talk, and think, and <em>remember.</em></p><p>And suddenly he’s not so sure he’s okay enough for this.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>His arm hurts from when he fell on it after being tossed into the dark abyss. It’s both incredibly small, and incredibly large at the same time. It’s overwhelmingly dark, and cold, and there are voices whispering in his ear all the things he’s tried to ignore and pretend away over the years. Things like ‘you’re unneeded’, and ‘you’re unwanted’, and ‘you hurt Thomas’, and ‘you’re bad dark evil rotten <strong>wrong</strong>.’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He was never one to feel fear, only ever the one to bring it. But here, in the Subconscious, away from his room with its broken lamp and smelly sheets, away from light, and warmth, and familiarity, Remus is very, very scared.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Deceit?” He calls out, and his heart hammers in his chest when he doesn’t immediately hear an answer. “D-Dee!?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m here, Remus.” Comes a pained voice from somewhere to his left, and Remus stumbles over to it, fighting his way through the dark to his only friend in the world.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>They end up sitting by the carnations for a while. Remus isn’t sure how he ended up in Roman’s lap, with his head buried in his chest, but he’s not going to move now. He shivers, and Roman’s arms tighten around him. It feels like only yesterday when this much physical contact would send him reeling into a panic attack. Sometimes it still does.</p><p>“We can always go tomorrow if you don’t think you can manage today. I’m sure he’d understand.” Roman kisses the top of his head after he speaks, and Remus sighs.</p><p>“I don’t… I don’t know.”</p><p>“That’s okay. We can sit here for a little while longer, and see how you feel then.”</p><p>“Okay.”</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Remus is freezing. His teeth are chattering, and he doesn’t think he could stop shivering if his life depended on it. His fear makes it worse. He knows that if he’s suffering from the cold this much, then Deceit must be feeling it a hundred times more intensely. He’s tried to summon a blanket for his friend, or at least a flashlight so they can see each other, but he can’t create anything.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They’d walked for an unknown amount of time, hand in hand so they didn’t lose each other. They’d talked about things they liked, and sang annoying, repetitive songs to keep the voices at bay. Eventually, however, they tired of walking, and their motivation dwindled as all they found was darker darkness, and colder cold.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Patton didn’t mean it, right?” Remus asks for the third time. “He’ll let us out soon, right?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Right,” Deceit affirms. Neither is sure if it’s a lie or not. They can only hope.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s hard to find hope in a place like this.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Remus chokes back a sob, and is forced to face the fact that he just… He can’t do it. Not today.</p><p>And he’s so, overwhelmingly <em>disappointed </em>in himself.</p><p>Roman hugs him and Remus cries into his shoulder. He can’t stop crying, and it <em>hurts. </em>Roman rubs his back and hums softly, gently coaxing him into calming down. His ease with the situation speaks volumes on how often he’s done this over the past few months. Not for the first time, Remus feels guilty for taking up so much of his brother’s time.</p><p>But Roman really doesn’t seem to mind.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Deceit says he estimates they’ve been in the Subconscious for a little over a month. He says that, and then he says he doesn’t think he’ll be able to hold on more than another seven days at the most.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus shouts at him, and nearly hits him, and apologises over and over and over again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I’m sorry.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Deceit is weak now, very weak. Seven days seems to be a generous estimation. He can’t move anywhere on his own now (not that there’s anywhere to move to), and he sometimes finds himself slipping, seeing things in the darkness that couldn’t possibly be there, talking to Sides that haven’t been around for years, if they ever were at all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Remus is on edge constantly, waiting for the moment his only friend fades, and leaves him all alone in this dark, cold, endless nightmare.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>It happens (three days later?), and Remus doesn’t know what to do. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>He settles on crying, because it’s easy. He cries, and he cries, and he cries, until there’s nothing left inside of him to let out. Then he stares into the darkness, and the darkness stares back.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>When he’s finally released, he’s told he spent a grand total of four months and eleven days in the Subconscious. He’s also told that Patton didn’t actually know what would happen when he sent Remus and Deceit there. He thought it was harmless.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The other Light Sides didn’t know Patton had sent them there, he’s told. If they did, they would have gotten them out immediately. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>They ask where Deceit is, and Remus tells them he faded a month in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Then he starts crying, and he can’t stop.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He can’t stop, he can’t stop, he can’t—</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then Roman is there.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Remus spends a lot of time crying, in the months following his release. There’s just so much <strong>pain </strong>inside him, and he wishes it would go away. If he thinks hard enough about not thinking about it, sometimes it does go away for a while.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So he spends a lot of time staring into space (dissociation, Logan says), barely breathing, scarcely blinking. He usually snaps out of it when he hears a loud noise, or senses someone come near.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was no noise in the Subconscious, and no-one except for himself and the voices.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>There was no food in the Subconscious, and while Sides didn’t necessarily need to eat, they still felt hunger. They still felt thirst. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The voices offered him food and drink, and he accepted once – just once.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It was a mistake he’ll never make again.</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>It’s two days later when Remus decides he might, <em>maybe, </em>be okay enough… To go see <em>him</em>.</p><p>Maybe.</p><p>Roman has preserved the flowers they picked, in a little yellow vase on his windowsill. Remus carefully takes them out, and allows Roman to gently guide him towards the door to the Imagination.</p><p>He tries not to think too much as he and Roman walk towards—</p><p>Towards… (He sniffles and shakes and oh god he can’t do it!)</p><p>—The <em>memorial. </em>He focuses on taking slow, deep breaths like Virgil showed him, and squeezes Roman’s hand tightly. Roman squeezes back.</p><p>It’s been seven months since he was released from the Subconscious; ten since Deceit faded.</p><p>Remus’ steps slow considerably as they near the memorial, and <em>oh, </em>it’s so <em>pretty.</em></p><p>Remus knew there had to be something grand here; Roman told him three months after he was released that he’d built it, that it was waiting for him whenever he was ready.</p><p>It’s a garden surrounded by a tall hedge. The grass is soft and littered with many types of yellow flowers. A dirt-and-cobble path leads to a large fountain in the middle of the garden, and in the middle of the fountain is a statue of Deceit, smiling happily, and surrounded by snakes that shoot water out their mouths.</p><p>There’s a hanging bench strung from a tall Oak tree, but the brothers ignore it for now, in favour of moving towards the fountain. Remus can’t stop staring at the statue. His friend is <em>here, </em>immortalised in the stone. Remus can almost imagine the statue moving, talking to him, holding him close and telling him that everything was going to be okay.</p><p>Remus places the flowers down on the rim of the fountain, and his knees wobble. Roman helps him sit on the floor, and points out the plaque that Remus didn’t notice before. The metal is silver, and the words are gold, and it’s surrounded in vines sprouting tiny yellow flowers.</p><p>
  <em>‘In memory of Deceit Sanders.<br/>
The best danger noodle we knew.’</em>
</p><p>Remus giggles wetly, and turns to hug Roman.</p><p>“I love it. Thank you. He would have loved it, too.”</p><p>“I’m glad.”</p><p>Remus traces the words with his fingers, and frowns suddenly. “I think it should—But I dunno if—Maybe…”</p><p>Roman gives him a confused look. “What’s that?”</p><p>“I think…” He fingers twitch, as if he’s fighting the urge to snap something into existence. Roman watches patiently. He’d give almost anything to see his brother create something again, and he thinks that moment might be drawing near.</p><p>Remus continues to trace the words, breathing shakily. “I want to…” He looks at Roman, almost as if to ask for permission.</p><p>“You can do it, Rem, it’s okay.”</p><p>Remus nods and turns back to the plaque. His fingers twitch, and then snap once, decisively, before he can talk himself out of it.</p><p>For a moment, Roman doesn’t notice anything change, but then the plaque shimmers, and it reads:</p><p>
  <em>‘In memory of Janus “Deceit” Sanders.<br/>
The best danger noodle we knew.’</em>
</p><p>The ‘L’ in ‘noodle’ has been replaced by a little inscription of a snake that wiggles in place, and it’s cute, but Roman is more focused on the first change.</p><p>“Janus…”</p><p>“I didn’t want it to… It – He – deserves to be known. I didn’t want to be the only one who remembered.”</p><p>Roman pulls him into another hug. “I’ll remember with you.” A pause, then, “You can talk to him, here, if you wanna.”</p><p>“Yeah…”</p><p>Remus looks up at the statue, and feels his mouth go dry. He swallows, and takes a moment to draw up some courage. It helps that Roman is right there.</p><p>“H-hey, Dee… Sorry for taking so long to visit… I guess I kinda lost myself for a while…”</p><p>He says a lot of things over many hours. Things like ‘I hope you’re warmer wherever you are’, and ‘I miss you’, and ‘I love you’, and ‘I told Roman your name please don’t be mad but I don’t want to remember you alone.’</p><p>In his mind, he thinks he can hear Deceit laughing, and he knows his friend would be okay with it.</p>
<hr/><p>The next time he visits, Roman, Logan, Virgil and <em>Patton </em>come, too.</p><p>Remus still feels very uneasy around Patton, and probably always will, but he’s trying to forgive the moral Side. He doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life in hatred and fear.</p><p>Patton himself makes the process easier, by being so visibly guilty and sad, and trying so hard to be a friend to Remus now. He knows Patton never meant for this to happen; the Side didn’t have a malicious bone in his body. It was a careless mistake.</p><p>
  <em>(Dee died for a mistake a mistake a mistake he died for a <strong>mistake</strong>)</em>
</p><p>Patton sits on the hanging bench and cries. Remus wanders over, and hesitantly sits down beside him. They’re both relatively silent for a long time, then Patton speaks.</p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>They glance at each other and look away just as quickly.</p><p>Whenever Remus felt uncomfortable around another Side <em>before, </em>he would spout various intrusive thoughts to keep the other at bay. He hasn’t been able to think much of what he used to lately, but he doesn’t think he’d voice any of those thoughts even if he had one.</p><p>Those thoughts are what got him <em>there, </em>and he’s so, so scared of going back, even if he knows that Roman would sooner destroy the Imagination than let that happen.</p><p>Speaking of his brother, he’s wandering over towards them now.</p><p>“Virgil’s stomach is rumbling louder than I can scream, so I’m gonna summon some lunch, and we can eat by the fountain. You guys want anything in particular?”</p><p>Remus shakes his head, and Patton asks for a tuna sandwich. The three of them walk back towards the fountain together, where Virgil and Logan are spreading out a large picnic blanket. Roman summons a lot more food than the five of them could ever hope to finish, and nudges a peanut butter and jam sandwich into Remus’ hands.</p><p>Remus sighs, but smiles at his brother and takes a bite. He peels off a small piece of bread and throws it into the fountain, huffing out a laugh as some birds from the nearby trees dive at it.</p><p>“Hey, it’s tuppence to feed the birds,” Roman says. Remus sticks his tongue out and flings another piece of bread into the fountain as Roman giggles.</p><p>The five Sides talk and eat, and Remus feels more at ease than he has in a very long time.</p><p>He takes a bite of his sandwich, and is filled with <em>peace. </em></p>
  </div></div>
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